Adventures in Vegas

My god, Vegas.  My god.

Vegas, you were everything I had ever expected with a billion trillion surprises thrown in.  Complete with random Darth Vaders.

"Poker and prostitutes fill the Death Star shaped void in my life."

Please take note of the “Hot Babes” advertisement in the background.

I did not actually call for any hot babes.

There were hooker cards scattered like rose petals on the surprisingly clean streets.  The source of the cards were t-shirt clad people who would slap a deck full of loose women cards against their forearm when people walked by.  It felt almost like a rite of passage to accept a hooker card from one of these employees.  Other people did–most of them also threw their cards in the street.  I wasn’t quite able to work up the courage, though.  It was unnerving, and the pictures on the cards were a deterrent in their own right.

If you stay off the streets, Vegas  is beautiful.

I was maybe slightly inebriated when I took this photo.

What if the only reason I love city lights so much is because I live in the country?

We only went to a few places in Vegas because we were there for a work conference, so I don’t have many pictures.  I also don’t have many pictures because my camera was dead for half the trip.  But that’s okay.  We’re probably going to the Summit again next year and I can make up for it.

We did get to go to Madame Tussaud’s.  You know, the wax museum.  It was actually more awesome than it sounds.  I married George Clooney, danced with J-Lo, and sat with Simon Cowell for a bit.  There was even a haunted house inside–with real actors–that we frolicked in for a bit.  Or rather, that I frolicked in.  Everyone else was too afraid of the costume-clad guys.

Honesty time.  If everyone else hadn’t freaked out, I would have been scared out of my mind.  I’m sure there’s lots of bad karma that go along with laughing at other people’s fear.  But I’ll worry about that later.

The only other thing we did was wander the streets of Vegas (in groups, with rape whistles*) and look at stuff.  Like how there were four Transformer-Bumblebee  costumers within a half mile of each other.  And like the fountain show at the Bellagio hotel, which was awesome and set to the song “All that Jazz” from the musical Chicago.  And like the tiny marmoset that some lady had doing tricks on a bridge for tips.  And also like the ridiculously high-end shops which we explored with great fervor.

Have you ever been in a store where one necklace costs more than you make in a month?  I have.  It was fun. And sparkly.  Like Edward Cullen in the sunlight.

What I enjoyed most about Vegas was how completely out of my element I felt.  I love a good adventure and, even though it feels weird, I love experiencing something totally off-kilter from my drab everyday life.  Sin City was definitely different, but what surprised me was how similar some aspects of it seemed. The city was a lot like Myrtle Beach back home–a really, really big Myrtle Beach where prostitution was legal and also without all the beach touristy stuff.   And with giant mountains on the horizon instead of a beach.  The layout was about the same, though.  The neighborhoods and the buildings and the big freeways.  That mix of similarity and difference was just….unforgettable.

Everyone should go to Vegas at least once.  Except really religious people.  You would probably not like it at all.

*I’m kidding about the rape whistles. But not about the groups.  Nobody went out alone into Vegas, that would be stupid.

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2 responses to “Adventures in Vegas

  1. My impression of Vegas is (referring to your city lights picture): it’s a fantastic city to look at, and an even better city to get the hell out of the next morning. There’s nothing more glamorous than the obscene amount of electronic beauty that glimmers from hundreds of miles away, and there’s nothing more depressing than seeing lines out the doors of pawn shops the next morning as the more fortunate among us stumble out of their hotels in the early hours of the afternoon into the streets of what is otherwise an island of faux-paradise in the middle of America’s Emptiest Desert.

    By the way, that was really Darth Vader you saw. He’s on vacation.

    • Vegas was glamorously cheesy. It tries too hard, but that’s okay because it’s Vegas. I bet it does light up the night from hundreds of miles away–I’m pretty sure they put flashing lights on every surface in the whole city.

      I missed the pawn shop lines, though. We never really strayed far from the main strip since walking was our only real mode of transportation. Thanks to an early flight, I did get to see the drunken populace stumbling around the hotel at four in the morning. That was actually kind of fun.

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