The Haunting of Limeokapi

This blog is officially haunted. And by that I mean that the words you see before you were not written by the Limeokapi you know and love, but by a dear friend with easy access to her username and password and a penchant for over dramatic introductions. For formality’s sake, you can call me Orangeantelope. It’s ridiculous, I know, but we’re going for a theme here. Tonight, I will be your ghost writer.

I wanted to do something about the recent Chick-Fil-A scandal, but I am pretty sure that if I see one more blog post about it I will go to the closest Chick-Fil-A, order $200 worth of sandwiches, and stuff them all down my throat until I choke to death. Let the world ponder over the message my bloated, chicken filled corpse will leave behind. Do I mean to say that I support Chick-Fil-A so much that I was willing to eat enough of their admittedly delicious sandwiches to kill myself? Or do I, perhaps, wish to convey the opposite message; that I wanted to show the world that Chick-Fil-A is evil and will inevitably kill us all? The world would never know.

And, thanks to the fact that the above paragraph is all I want to mention of Chick-Fil-A, nobody will ever have to find out. Instead, let me veer the discussion slightly to left field a bit. We’re currently tangent to deep fried chicken territory, but we’re safe for now. Let us instead discuss those annoying little things called opinions.

Ah, opinions. Many colorful phrases describes these glorious little bastards. “Opinions are like noses: everyone has one.” is probably the most recognized. There are other, more lewd, ones, but let’s stick with that. Because it’s true. Everyone really does have an opinion on everything. Right now, you’re probably forming an opinion about me, about my choice of words in this sentence, about my overuse of commas, or about any of a million different things. These opinions might change or grow or remain doggedly the same until the day you die, but you will always have them. And, I realized today, they are wrong.

Yep, Orangeantelope is Limeokapi’s rude and crude evil twin brother. He’s here to tell you all those opinions you’ve been hoarding like’s a dragon’s sweet loots are actually one hundred percent empirically incorrect. Ok, maybe it’s more of a “They’re not actually correct,” than a one hundred percent incorrect, but I’ll try to explain myself.

Opinions are not, contrary to popular belief, fact. This is a true statement no matter how you want to slice it. Therefor, this is a fact. If you believe gravity exists, it’s not an opinion, because if you believed gravity didn’t exist then we’d have to lock you in a loony bin. (Or give you a Nobel Prize, depending.) Belief in a proven fact is not an opinion; belief in an unproven fact is. If you want to believe that all children should be taught a second language before age twelve, that’s a decent enough opinion. It is not a fact, however, and is therefor not true. Your opinion is not correct because it is your opinion. If 99.9% of the world’s population agrees with your opinion, it is still not a fact. It cannot be measured or quantified in any way. What proof do we have that children under the age of twelve should be taught a second language? Sure, nobody would argue it wouldn’t be beneficial somehow, but is it one hundred percent absolutely true? The answer is no.

Let’s wind this long post down quickly to avoid typing up until 2am and forcing our Lime friend to have to drink a second mayonnaise milkshake. The short and hairy of the point at hand is that lately everyone’s been having a field day throwing around their opinions and either reveling in the fact that someone else agrees with them or inciting internet riots when someone does not. If you want to survive in this world, you have to recognize a few simple things: First, everyone else you will ever meet will have exactly as many opinions on exactly as many subjects as yourself. Second, no matter how eloquent your argument or righteous the fire that burns in your soul, your opinion will never be right. If this is not something you can accept with at least a forced smile and a half-decent word, you will probably not survive long in today’s hypersensitive society. And that is a fact.

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One response to “The Haunting of Limeokapi

  1. Well done! Well, except for the typos. And, all the commas. But, that’s just my opinion. 🙂

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