I haven’t been blogging lately.
I teeter between feeling incredibly frustrated that what I write seems so insignificant and feeling angry that I haven’t fulfilled my “calling” in life by writing more.
I’m an English major. My biggest talent, my one selling point, has been my writing skills.
I feel like I’m failing myself. Like I’m failing you, my readers (all two of you).
I’m allowing life circumstances and my own emotional state (the “I don’t wanna” syndrome) prevent me from writing. I’m choosing not to write. I have commitment issues with my own blog.
Hell, I have commitment issues with the Internet itself. I rarely stick around anywhere long–I tend to drift from social site to social site. Facebook is the only exception to that rule.
So I sat here, in my office chair, wallowing in my feelings of failure and wondering how many other people felt the same way.
I can’t say I had some sort of life-changing epiphany. But I’d bet my ass that there are a great deal of people in the world who aren’t entirely happy with who they are and what they’re doing. I can’t promise I’ll stop beating myself up over what I’m doing or not doing. But at least I know I’m not alone in this.
And for the record, I’m a damn good writer. I just need to have more confidence about what I write, quit letting fear dictate my moves, and actually write down the stories in my head.